Gettysburg College: Your New Vacation Destination

Gettysburg

It’s April 1st and vacation planning has begun!

Can you guess CNN’s Top 5 travel destinations for 2013?

Forget the vibrant, bustling city life of Tokyo. Romantic cobblestone strolls through Amsterdam? Too many pedestrian/bike lawsuits. And thanks to the combined 11.5 hours of the Lord of the Rings extended edition trilogy we’ve seen as much of New Zealand as we need to.

No. The whisper perched on the lips of Travel herself has been dominated by one borough, in one county, in one state of Pennsylvania.

Receiving yet another raving review, the quiet town of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania has become a veritable juggernaut of modern global tourism. In an exciting twist of fate, Smithsonian Magazine raves that Gettysburg has finallykicked its kitsch factor.” Urbanites around the world are finally calling it quits to the monotony of city life and rolling their 50-passenger buses past Gettysburg’s multitude of unmoving, unchanging battlefields, battlefield monuments and battlefield monument-related houses. And at night, they can go again!

“In warm weather the streets fill with battle re-enactors,” beams Smithsonian Magazine, including “Lincoln impersonators, ghost-tour leaders carrying lanterns, and others dressed in everything from buckskins to World War II attire.”

But it’s not just the town’s diverse array of ice cream choices, American bars, American restaurants, or American dogs in hoop skirts who helped Gettysburg secure the fifth seed in the travel line-up. No. To make a truly exotic tourism destination you need something truly unique. A cultural paradise. A diversity mecca. The quintessential coup de grâce in the fight for the distinct community.

Gettysburg College.

With citizens clothed in salmon-tinted cultural garb and leggings that work 365 days a year, this private four-year liberal arts college claims its reputation as the cornerstone of Gettysburg’s exotic appeal.

Boasting unique cultural cuisine, Gettysburg College offers a sports-themed eatery and a swimming-themed cafe– both providing a delicious selection of sandwiches. Feeling extra daring? President Ike has some Shrimp Tempura made specially for you!

The social energy vibrates through campus. Feel free to attend some of the hottest student-run diversity awareness events such as “White-Trash-Bash,” ” Bros and Hos” and “Bottles for Models.” Feeling a little more low key? Join 2,668 others in the philosophical musings of Overheard at Gettysburg or channel your own creative energy into the poetics and sonnetry of Gettysburg College Crushes.

The College also boasts its modernity with a high degree of technological innovations. Want to know what you can eat that day? Check out Servo’s Facebook page! Miss it? Check out Servo’s online menu! Miss it? Check out the flat screen TV in the lobby of Servo while you warm up! Miss it? Check the flat screen TV situated at the front of the counter! Miss it? Check one of four flat screen TV’s situated directly above the delicious food they are describing and take a look for yourself!

Looking for meaningful souvenirs to remember your time at the fifth most recommended travel destination? Look no further than the only bookstore in town, where you can find your very own Gettysburg mug, tumbler, glass, bottle, thermos, wine glass, shot glass, water pouch, or Nalgene. Those in need of a dose of intensive cultural exploration can delight in choosing between two different Vineyard Vines ties! Sold out? Don’t worry—make your monthly stop by 310 Rosemont, just outside the bookstore and find additional attire to sport while feeling like you haven’t left your yacht! Scared of the ocean? Pick up a “Man Up” tee-shirt  on the way out!

So ditch your next vacation to Colombia, Montenegro, and Miami. Thinking about Sub-Saharan Africa? Forget it! Make your reservation this summer for the enchanting Gettysburg, PA and enjoy watching thousands run around in a field wearing wool suits proving once and for all that the grass is truly greener in person than it is on Instagram.

Emily Linholm ’13
Staff Writer
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